And It's a New Year: 2012

The Year 2012 has officially started. Bittersweet.  I can't believe I made it into this year after losing my Rosie IV.  I really can't.  I made it but it was rough.

I am ready for the idea of a new year.  I had several life changing events in 2011 and ready to see what 2012 has to bring to me, my family and friends.  I've already made a few changes.  I joined church and got a tattoo.  Kinda hypocritical... I know.  But it is in honor of my baby.

Merry New Year with a heavy sigh.

First Christmas...

Today is my first Christmas without my baby boy.  It was rough in the beginning but I made it through.  Went to the cemetery to spend some time with Rosie IV. It made me smile and cry.  I miss him so much.  Strength will come with every day!

Baby Rosie and angel friends on Christmas 2011.

Merry Christmas!!!

Up, Down, All Around

Roller Coaster. That's what I feel like I'm on these days.  One minute I'm up and the next I'm going down.  I try my best to not let my emotions get the the best of me but it is hard.  Sometimes there are so many emotions that I don't know what to do with them. ~sigh~

Changes
I changed the look of my blog because I felt like the other one was to dark.  I wanted something bright and cheerful.  It took a while but I finally figured it out.  I feel brighter now :-)

2:25 AM and...

it's another sleepless night.  I've been sleeping okay but tonight I can't.  I have so much on my mind.  Tonight I'm thinking about my baby, family, work, life.... EVERYTHING.  I can't turn my mind off in order to get some rest.  With the holidays approaching, I am getting more and more anxious/nervous/scared.  I don't know what next weekend is going bring.  It will be my first time around both sides of my family.  And I have a BIG family.  Will I be able to handle it?  I don't know.

Right now I just want to scream.  AAAAAaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! If I didn't live in an apartment... I probably would.  It wouldn't do me any good though.

Today is going to be a long day.  My nephew's family day at school.  Cousin's 5th bday party.  My mother's job's Christmas party.  And who knows what else.  I was looking forward to this day until I could fall asleep.  Hopefully I will have enough strength physically and mentally to make it through. ~sigh~

Brittany

Didn't Know I had So Many Tears...

I am new to blogging/journaling/writing thing.  But I need something to keep me going.

I've cried every day since I lost my baby boy Roosevelt Washington IV.  He was born 11/11/11 at 9:08 pm and became an angel the same night at 9:45 pm.  I have so many emotions and I don't know what to do with them.  It is hard being on "maternity leave" and I am home with no baby.  I miss him so much.  I am so thankful that I got to meet him. No one wanted him more than I did.  My heart is broken.  I try to think positively but it is so hard.  I think about him squeezing my hand, his tiny feet and hands, and the time we spent together.  I also think about what if he was her, how would life be, who would he look like, and what would he grow to be.

I feel as if my body failed me hellp syndrome and preeclampsia have broken me... but I still love my Angel Baby RWIV

Hey Baby,

Mommy loves you and misses you so much.  I am sorry that I could not do anything to save you.  It is so hard without you hear but I know you are in a better place.  I put up the Christmas Tree yesterday but it was a bittersweet moment.  I am waiting on your ornaments to add to the tree.  You will always be in my heart.

Love Mommy :-)