My Butterfly Baby

And It's a New Year: 2012

2012-01-01T21:29:00.000-08:00

The Year 2012 has officially started. Bittersweet. I can't believe I made it into this year after losing my Rosie IV. I really can't. I made it but it was rough.

I am ready for the idea of a new year. I had several life changing events in 2011 and ready to see what 2012 has to bring to me, my family and friends. I've already made a few changes. I joined church and got a tattoo. Kinda hypocritical... I know. But it is in honor of my baby.

Merry New Year with a heavy sigh.

First Christmas...

2011-12-25T21:37:00.000-08:00

Today is my first Christmas without my baby boy. It was rough in the beginning but I made it through. Went to the cemetery to spend some time with Rosie IV. It made me smile and cry. I miss him so much. Strength will come with every day!

Baby Rosie and angel friends on Christmas 2011.

Merry Christmas!!!

Up, Down, All Around

2011-12-21T21:23:00.000-08:00

Roller Coaster. That's what I feel like I'm on these days. One minute I'm up and the next I'm going down. I try my best to not let my emotions get the the best of me but it is hard. Sometimes there are so many emotions that I don't know what to do with them. ~sigh~

Changes
I changed the look of my blog because I felt like the other one was to dark. I wanted something bright and cheerful. It took a while but I finally figured it out. I feel brighter now :-)

2:25 AM and...

2011-12-17T02:44:00.000-08:00

it's another sleepless night. I've been sleeping okay but tonight I can't. I have so much on my mind. Tonight I'm thinking about my baby, family, work, life.... EVERYTHING. I can't turn my mind off in order to get some rest. With the holidays approaching, I am getting more and more anxious/nervous/scared. I don't know what next weekend is going bring. It will be my first time around both sides of my family. And I have a BIG family. Will I be able to handle it? I don't know.

Right now I just want to scream. AAAAAaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! If I didn't live in an apartment... I probably would. It wouldn't do me any good though.

Today is going to be a long day. My nephew's family day at school. Cousin's 5th bday party. My mother's job's Christmas party. And who knows what else. I was looking forward to this day until I could fall asleep. Hopefully I will have enough strength physically and mentally to make it through. ~sigh~

Brittany

Didn't Know I had So Many Tears...

2011-12-04T17:30:00.000-08:00

I am new to blogging/journaling/writing thing. But I need something to keep me going.

I've cried every day since I lost my baby boy Roosevelt Washington IV. He was born 11/11/11 at 9:08 pm and became an angel the same night at 9:45 pm. I have so many emotions and I don't know what to do with them. It is hard being on "maternity leave" and I am home with no baby. I miss him so much. I am so thankful that I got to meet him. No one wanted him more than I did. My heart is broken. I try to think positively but it is so hard. I think about him squeezing my hand, his tiny feet and hands, and the time we spent together. I also think about what if he was her, how would life be, who would he look like, and what would he grow to be.

I feel as if my body failed me hellp syndrome and preeclampsia have broken me... but I still love my Angel Baby RWIV

Hey Baby,

Mommy loves you and misses you so much. I am sorry that I could not do anything to save you. It is so hard without you hear but I know you are in a better place. I put up the Christmas Tree yesterday but it was a bittersweet moment. I am waiting on your ornaments to add to the tree. You will always be in my heart.

Love Mommy :-)