tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31992819787251343822024-03-12T20:26:09.099-07:00My Butterfly BabyB Rayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04137098725025557253noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199281978725134382.post-46882102115922121472012-01-01T21:29:00.000-08:002012-01-01T21:29:08.126-08:00And It's a New Year: 2012The Year 2012 has officially started. Bittersweet. I can't believe I made it into this year after losing my Rosie IV. I really can't. I made it but it was rough.<div>
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I am ready for the idea of a new year. I had several life changing events in 2011 and ready to see what 2012 has to bring to me, my family and friends. I've already made a few changes. I joined church and got a tattoo. Kinda hypocritical... I know. But it is in honor of my baby.</div>
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Merry New Year with a heavy sigh.</div>B Rayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04137098725025557253noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199281978725134382.post-70681018512055291712011-12-25T21:37:00.000-08:002011-12-25T18:38:40.507-08:00First Christmas...Today is my first Christmas without my baby boy. It was rough in the beginning but I made it through. Went to the cemetery to spend some time with Rosie IV. It made me smile and cry. I miss him so much. Strength will come with every day!<br />
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Baby Rosie and angel friends on Christmas 2011.</div>
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<span style="color: red;">Merry </span><span style="color: #6aa84f;">Christmas</span><span style="color: red;">!!!</span></div>B Rayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04137098725025557253noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199281978725134382.post-89432373528685618182011-12-21T21:23:00.000-08:002011-12-21T19:29:14.001-08:00Up, Down, All AroundRoller Coaster. That's what I feel like I'm on these days. One minute I'm up and the next I'm going down. I try my best to not let my emotions get the the best of me but it is hard. Sometimes there are so many emotions that I don't know what to do with them. ~sigh~<br />
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Changes<br />
I changed the look of my blog because I felt like the other one was to dark. I wanted something bright and cheerful. It took a while but I finally figured it out. I feel brighter now :-)<br />
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<br />B Rayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04137098725025557253noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199281978725134382.post-73253672297804458512011-12-17T02:44:00.000-08:002011-12-16T23:46:06.440-08:002:25 AM and...it's another sleepless night. I've been sleeping okay but tonight I can't. I have so much on my mind. Tonight I'm thinking about my baby, family, work, life.... EVERYTHING. I can't turn my mind off in order to get some rest. With the holidays approaching, I am getting more and more anxious/nervous/scared. I don't know what next weekend is going bring. It will be my first time around both sides of my family. And I have a BIG family. Will I be able to handle it? I don't know.<br />
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Right now I just want to scream. AAAAAaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! If I didn't live in an apartment... I probably would. It wouldn't do me any good though.</div>
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Today is going to be a long day. My nephew's family day at school. Cousin's 5th bday party. My mother's job's Christmas party. And who knows what else. I was looking forward to this day until I could fall asleep. Hopefully I will have enough strength physically and mentally to make it through. ~sigh~</div>
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Brittany</div>B Rayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04137098725025557253noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199281978725134382.post-19557862794566445802011-12-04T17:30:00.000-08:002011-12-04T19:10:35.766-08:00Didn't Know I had So Many Tears...I am new to blogging/journaling/writing thing. But I need something to keep me going.<br />
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I've cried every day since I lost my baby boy Roosevelt Washington IV. He was born 11/11/11 at 9:08 pm and became an angel the same night at 9:45 pm. I have so many emotions and I don't know what to do with them. It is hard being on "maternity leave" and I am home with no baby. I miss him so much. I am so thankful that I got to meet him. No one wanted him more than I did. My heart is broken. I try to think positively but it is so hard. I think about him squeezing my hand, his tiny feet and hands, and the time we spent together. I also think about what if he was her, how would life be, who would he look like, and what would he grow to be.<br />
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I feel as if my body failed me hellp syndrome and preeclampsia have broken me... but I still love my Angel Baby RWIV<br />
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Hey Baby,<br />
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Mommy loves you and misses you so much. I am sorry that I could not do anything to save you. It is so hard without you hear but I know you are in a better place. I put up the Christmas Tree yesterday but it was a bittersweet moment. I am waiting on your ornaments to add to the tree. You will always be in my heart.<br />
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Love Mommy :-)B Rayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04137098725025557253noreply@blogger.com3